Too Much Of A Good Thing?

Napa splatter

Here at PAVC we take pride in tackling a range of subjects we feel will be of interest to wine and food enthusiasts – proper storage temperature; the PLCB; creative food and wine pairings; the PLCB; the wine scene in neighboring states; the P…you get the idea.

However, there is one topic we’ve yet to address – how do you know when you’ve had too much wine? Not in the sense of periodic over-indulgence — we’ve all been there. Nor in being pulled over by a state trooper — have to take the Fifth on this one. We’re talking about that hazy area where passion mutates into obsession. Most people are probably unaware of the symptoms, but there are tell-tale signs that you may be a case study of Oenopheliosis. We present the following as a public service:

  1. You awake at 7:00 AM wondering if Beaujolais Nouveau pairs well with two eggs over easy, hash browns, and a side of bacon.
  2. While on vacation, you spot a sign pointing the way to a winery, pull off the interstate and drive fourteen miles out of your way to visit a tasting room….then leave the kids in the car while you spend an hour discussing the relative merits of Baco Noir and Chambourcin.
  3. Wine terminology works its way into most conversations:
    1. “Well, I’m not trying to stir the lees, but…”
    2. “She’s fun to be with. Peppery with just a hint of spice. Did I mention soft and rounded?”
    3. “Your presentation could use some fining and filtering.”
    4. “Honey, I think this baby’s diaper is corked.”
  4. A corkscrew is as important to carry as a wallet or keychain. You know, just in case.
  5. The travel agent you’ve consulted can’t fathom why you keep insisting that any destination must have a suitable terroir and microclimate.
  6. Your iPhone scrolls more pictures of empty wine bottles than family members.
  7. The habit of swirling and sniffing every beverage – OJ, Dr. Pepper, Deer Park, whatever – draws perplexed glances and eye rolling from other customers wherever you eat, especially during a kids’ party at Chuck E. Cheese.
  8. Boxes of corks moldering in the attic will one day become an acoustically paneled wall in your home, methodically arranged by country, region, varietal.
  9. You refer to people’s birthdays as their vintage date.
  10. Friends humor your telling their fortune by “reading” the sediments in their glasses.
  11. Tests reveal that the percentage of alcohol in your circulatory system exceeds that of most California Zinfandels.

After conversing with a friend who is a physician and wine aficionado, I can share his findings regarding this condition. On the negative side, there is no ameliorative therapy, not even the controversial European practice of prolonged immersion in fermenting grape must. He did suggest an alternative and painless solution – keep drinking and don’t lose any sleep over your eccentric quirks. Sounds like good advice to me.

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